


Arizona

by pratins



Series: season 15 inspired [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Bottom Dean, Hunters & Hunting, Lemon, Love, M/M, Missing Moments, Pre-Series, Smut, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Sub Dean Winchester, bottom!Dean, castiel (mentioned) - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22239883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pratins/pseuds/pratins
Summary: Dean Winchester is twenty-four years old and he travels with his dad to kill monsters while his brother Sam is studying law at Stanford. One day Dean hunts with an old friend: Lee Webb. They’ll discover their bound is more than just a friendship. But the hunting life isn’t made for love.“But love can be a distraction. It twists you, making you forget the priorities of your life. If I could go back in time, I would have never taken Lee with me on that hunting trip. It had been one of the biggest mistakes of my life.”
Relationships: Lee Webb & Dean Winchester, Lee Webb/Dean Winchester
Series: season 15 inspired [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610134
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	Arizona

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters of this story belong exclusively to the creators of Supernatural
> 
> Warning: Violence and sex are described in detail. Read this story only if you’ve watched episode 15x07.
> 
> In addiction I want to thank my friend trixxter (this is her ao3 username) because she helped me with revision and with my English since this is the first story I have ever written in English.
> 
> Enjoy

Sam had already been in college for a year and we didn’t have any notice from him since then but dad didn’t seem to care that much, he used to avoid every discussion that could have concerned him. In those days it wasn’t unusual for dad to be away, he used to hunt all by himself, he hardly ever made a peep before he came home two or three weeks later. So I used to hunt on my own, since he was finally trusting me. The times dad left me the Impala were the best: I loved my Baby and I couldn’t wait to drive her every time he went hunting without his car.  
  
I missed Sam. The night he had left for Stanford had been one of the worst of my life, immediately after the night my devoted mum died. But he made a decision and even if I didn’t like it I had to start to live with it. Leaving this hunting life had always been Sam’s secret - maybe not that secret – dream since we were kids. He was succeeding in having a better future, a safer future, something I could never have. Sam was happy, so was I. I had the feeling that my job – looking after him – was coming to an end in the best way it could have. He was miles away from dad, miles away from monsters, miles away from me. He was safe, nothing else mattered. At first I hated that he left but then I realized it was the best thing that could have ever happened to him.   
  
It was the October of 2003 and one time my old man decided not to bring the car with him.   
  
“I just have to kill some vampires,” he said. “I can do it alone, I’ll be back in a few days.”  
I was chilling in a roadside motel when I read a strange newspaper article: a girl in Payson, Arizona, had been found skinned alive and her body had been left, in pieces, on the riverbank. That was definitely a case for a supernatural hunter, the time to hunt just arrived. I sent a message to dad, just to warn him, and immediately went packing everything that could have been useful: clothes, fake IDs, money and weapons.   
  
Once I got into my Baby I thought about Lee: he was a hunter few years older than me, I met him during a case in Texas, dad was quite impressed by his hunting skills so we all worked together for a while and we became friends. I decided to call him to ask if he was interested in working on the case in Arizona with me. He agreed and in four hours I was outside the motel where he was at the moment.   
  
“Dean friggin’ Winchester, what a pleasure.” He said, climbing into the shotgun of my Chevy. Lee was twenty-six, his hair was dark and he had a typical hairstyle of the early 2000s, his eyes were dark blue but, if not illuminated by the sunlight, you could think they were brown. His face was marked by a subtle presence of wrinkles which were accentuated by some scars, signs of the hunt, I guess.   
  
I loved to spend time with him: we were pretty similar, we liked the same music and the same kind of women, oh women, the last time we were together we were hunting a werewolf, and after killing him we decided to celebrate, so we went to a pub in Ohio to drink some beer and pick up some hot girls, until we found a couple of twins: I hooked up with one, and Lee with the other. Only later we discovered that they were triplets so we decided to share the last one in a menage à trois. I had never done it before, it was weird, but I liked that “sharing” concept, what a memorable night. I still remember his hand on mine while we were making that girl moan. His eyes met mine several times and I have a special memory of that experience.   
  
It had been magical, I don’t know how to describe it in any other way. Lee had something magical.  
  
“Same here, you son of a bitch.”  
We laughed and we left for Arizona. On our way we talked the usual stuff: anecdotes, girls, my brother, my father and something about our future. And that’s how I found out about Lee’s secret dream: he wanted to have a pub somewhere in Texas. His dreams were a lot similar to mines, we thought about life without monsters, Lee and me running this pub full of beer, liquors, hot chicks and who knows, maybe even a karaoke. Dreams and wishes in our minds, we were young, hoping for a better future.   
  
We stopped to have lunch at some fast food place, steak, french fries and a delicious half-pint.  
  
Eight hours later we were in Payson.  
“Do you have your ranger ID?” I asked when we were driving into the town.  
“Yes, in my bag.”  
“Perfect.”  
“Maybe it would be better to pretend to be FBI agents.”  
“We’re too young.”  
“Well… you’re right.”  
“I always am.”  
“Don’t get used to it, Winchester.”  
“Son of a bitch.”  
  
The police station was near the Hall, it was small and crowded. When Lee and I entered, a lot of people stared at us as if we were some kind of aliens. In those types of towns everyone knew each other so it was strange for them to see new faces. The officer was in his fifties, he was drinking some hot tea and eating a pretzel. He seemed to be really, really bored.   
  
“Good morning, Morse and Hughes, rangers, we’re here for the case of the girl on the riverbank,” I said as we showed him our badges.  
He looked us up and down and then he went back to his pretzel.  
  
“This case has already been solved, you can go.” His voice was annoying and pretty depressing.  
“Really?” Lee raised an eyebrow, looking at the officer.  
“A coyote attacked the girl.”  
Lee leaned forward, putting his hands on the officer’s desk, like he wanted to scare him. I was looking at him, in order to improve my skills of course, why else would I look at him?  
“How can a coyote skin alive a twenty-five-year-old girl? There was nothing left but bones.”  
The officer was annoyed, he looked at Lee as if he was a child. “The coyote was really hungry, that’s all.”  
“This happens when Road Runner runs too fast.” I smirked. The officer looked at me more in disgust than disapproval. Lee smirked too, he clearly wanted to laugh but that wouldn’t have been appropriate, so he pretended he didn’t hear anything.  
  
“We don’t need your help, you can go.”   
We looked at him and left the police station.  
  
“God, they’re so dumb,” I said while we were walking away from that hellhole that people call “police station.” Lee wasn’t listening, he noticed a woman crying on a bench next to the police station. I had already seen that woman, she was talking to a cop a couple of minutes before. We came closer, showing her our badges and asking if everything was okay.  
  
She was in tears, her eyes were red and puffy, her make-up was smeared all over her face. She was in her forties, maybe, and she was pretty hot. I would definitely have dirty thoughts about her if I met her in another situation and I knew that Lee was thinking the same. She was devastated, her daughter named Casey, 9 years old, was missing, maybe kidnapped. We reassured her, promising that we would do everything we could to find her.  
  
“Apparently Coyotes like to kidnap children in this town,” Lee said once we got back in the car. We spent the day at coroner’s and in the woods in order to find some clues.  
At the end of the day I was convinced that the creature we were looking for was a Wendigo, but Lee wasn’t that sure.  
“I don’t know, Dean, why would he leave that woman on the bank? Wendigos usually have dens where they hide bodies of their victims. And why would he kidnap a little girl? If he’s looking for food, he’d prefer adults.”  
“Maybe he’s not that powerful.”  
“Maybe, we’ll continue tomorrow, okay? It’s 10 p.m., we have to find a motel and rest a little bit.”  
  
We easily found the motel, it was just outside the town, it was pretty shabby but we didn’t care. The receptionist was a drunk old man. When he first saw us, he said he wouldn’t give us a room because his motel wasn’t for gay people.   
  
We explained that we were just friends and that we liked girls and he decided to give us a room with two beds. The motel problem was solved. I would say the same about “rest a little bit”. After dinner, Lee and I decided to go to a pub. It was built entirely out of wood, lot of truckers, farmers and street men were drinking their favourites strong drinks and having fun. There were two bartenders: a guy and a girl in their 30’s. They were both pretty, well she definitely was, who cared about him? She had red hair, blue eyes and freckles on her cheeks and she had a tattoo on her collarbone: a dried rose. Lee and I took a sit and ordered two Godfathers, that had been a busy day, a beer wouldn’t be enough.   
  
I don’t exactly know when it happened, I used to drink a lot, my father had been teaching me how to hold liquor since I was ten because hunters always know how to not get drunk, but at some point my vision started to get blurry, the colours were mixing all together, as well as the sounds.   
  
But I remember that night. I tried to look in Lee’s eyes, he seemed to be drunk too. That night we went a little too far: there were ten empty glasses on the table. I remember the country music, Lee and I singing, we were laughing. We even went to pee together. We had a really good time that night. I was happy.  
  
We came back to the motel at 2 a.m, straggering, stumbling, laughing and jumping on each other’s shoulders, pretending we were wrestlers during a match. Back inside we kept fighting. As he closed the door, Lee put his foot in front of mine, making me fall down on the floor. He said he was a werewolf, I said I was a hunter, so we started fighting again. I don’t know for how long we kept going, minutes or hours, I was just having fun, I was living in the moment. We clashed, we drove off, we chased each other and clashed again. I don’t know how it happened but I found myself on my bed, Lee was hollering in victory.  
  
“You give up too easily, hunter, you should practice more.” Lee jumped on me pretending to bite my neck, like a werewolf or a vampire, in that moment I forgot the difference.   
“See? You’d be dead already.”  
  
We kept laughing until our eyes met. Then silence. We stood there for a while, looking at each other. The dim light made his eyes darker, I could barely see his blue irises. It was awkward, but I was enjoying that moment.  
  
He took his chance.  
  
He slowly moved closer me and put his lips on mine. I closed my eyes, returning the kiss. Just one. He opened his lips for a second but I immediately pushed him away, realising what was happening.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing?” I stared him. The light disappeared from his eyes for a second. Maybe it was the alcohol’s fault, but I wasn’t that mad at him for what had happened. I looked at his lips, smiling, I wanted them, I craved them. I just wanted to have his body on mine. I smiled.   
  
“I didn’t know werewolves were so good at kissing.”  
I immediately jumped on him, kissing him greedily. It felt different than kissing a girl. I could feel his stubble of beard on my skin. His body was robust and sturdy, completely different than the softness of women, he hugged him with a desire that I had never seen in a girl, even in the “easy” ones. He started to undress me. He took off my flannel shirt and my undershirt while he was kissing my neck, I sit astride his hips. His hands were caressing my backside still covered by my jeans, I was focused on getting rid of his t-shirt. He was rough but somehow loving.   
  
Maybe it was the fact that I actually started to feel something for him that made all that sweaty mess loving. I kissed his chest, his nipples, running my fingers were through his dark hair. I trailed his pecs and abs with my tongue hearing him moan louder and louder. I felt a pressure on my head, he put his hand in my hair, trying to push me towards his business.   
  
“Not that fast, cowboy,” I laughed, he did too but his laugh was mischievous, he knew that I wouldn’t last long. I’ve never been good in keeping the genie in the bottle. I unbuckled his belt, kissing his stomach covered in fuzz, I wasn’t used to that but it didn’t bother me. I unbuttoned his pants, feeling his boner rubbing against my forearm, Lee groaned. In no time he was already naked, his boner was a few inches away from my eyes and I couldn’t stop looking at it. His eyes were full of desire, craving, they seemed to be asking for more, so he pushed his hips against my face, making me blush.  
  
“Seems like you want my alabama snake.”  
I immediately started laughing. “Oh come on, man.”  
“You do, don’t you?” He was serious, his eyes on mine.  
“Yes… I do.”  
I slowly took it into my own hand, starting to jerk him off. Up and down. Slowly and then faster, putting my fleshy lips on his tip. After few seconds, I was already taking care of his length.  
  
I bet I wasn’t that good, besides, it was the first time I was pleasing a man in that way. I choked but I didn’t care, I was thinking that maybe heaven is really a place on earth, no blasphemy intended. Without making me stop, Lee decided to return the favour, so he took my jeans and my boxers off, and he stuck my boner between his lips. He clearly had lot of experience, I felt a little jealous thinking about him with another man, but I pushed those thoughts away as soon as he started sucking. It was good, one of the best I had ever received. However his tongue slowly moved from my boner to my balls and then my hole. I felt a shiver of pleasure along my spine.  
  
Sweetness disappeared when he grabbed my hips and forced me into a prone position. He had a hand on my shoulder pushing my face into the bed, and the other on my hip, which made my back arch. I made a moan filled with desire, Lee started slapping my arse until it was red, but when I felt his tongue on my most sensitive part of the body, I really started moaning like one of the girls you would see in porn films. Alone, in my room, I often used to tickle that zone with my fingers, without exploring more, but that feeling was clearly different, superior, overwhelming. It didn’t take long before he put a finger inside. He asked if I was ok, he had always been so caring. In that moment I wanted him more than ever, so I didn’t care a lot about pain, It was like I couldn’t feel it. Or maybe people just have a low pain threshold.  
  
I slowly turned my head around and I told him to keep going, I told him to make me his. I had never felt dirtier in my entire life. When he had three fingers in me, he found the Spot, making me scream. Butt up, asking for more, I wanted more and Lee didn’t think about it twice.   
  
At first he was careful, he knew it was my first time, in fact I felt a little sting of pain that bothered me when he started entering, but it was bearable, thanks to the prep he gave me with his tongue and fingers.   
  
Next thing I knew, he started pounding into me hard, determined and violent, making my eyes pop out of my head, not from pain, but because we was so good at hitting my prostate. I loved how Lee was fucking me, he made me feel submissive but even loved when he kissed the line of my spine. My boner was grinding against the bed, it didn’t take a lot before the sheets were dirty. It was something different, more intense than anything I ever tried. It was perfect. I moaned like I’d never done in my entire life, I would never be grateful enough for the things Lee made me feel.   
  
When it was his time, he pulled his boner out of me, forcing me to stay on my knees, and as I did, he asked me to look into his eyes. He took his condom off and I felt his come on my lips and on my face. Then he kissed me.  
  
“Why was it so good? I mean, sex is always good but this time it was different,” I asked him, looking into his eyes.  
“I guess someone should retake anatomy classes. It’s called P-point, you dumbass.” He laughed and he closed his eyes.  
That night I slept in his arms.  
  
The next morning we didn’t talk about what had happened, but it was clear that something was different, in a good way. Lee and I seemed to be more closer. I woke up at 8 a.m., I went in a library in order to search something about that “P-point” Lee was talking about the night before and I found so many things I didn’t know. Human beings are fantastic, we are so perfect, I didn’t believe in God at the time, but I was sure nature had incredible powers if she created us this way. All in all nature in perfect too.   
  
An hour later Lee woke up too and he called me. In half of an hour we were already in Baby, looking for clues for the case we were working on. We started in the woods, searching for the Wendigo’s lair. Only after four hours we understood we were barking up the wrong tree. We were coming back to the main road when Lee put his hand on my chest.  
  
“Did you smell that?”*  
I raised an eyebrow, focusing on the woods, trying to understand what Lee was talking about, it was difficult with his hand on me, but after a while I smelt it. Iron.  
“Blood.”  
Lee and I began to search until we found the body. It was a man, naked, his face was skinless and some muscles were missing. His arms and legs were nothing but some bones and joints. The only untouched part of his body was his torso, he was a really skinny man.  
  
“Apparently someone had breakfast,” I said, inspecting the body and holding my breath, that smell was tremendous.  
“He still has his heart, the creature is certainly not a werewolf.” Lee said and I nodded. We weren’t in the right moon phase. I knelt in order to check the wounds.   
“Lee! Look!” I pointed the bites on the man’s torso. “If it’s not a Wendigo, it’s certainly a cannibal. These bites seem to have been inflicted by a man.”  
“I don’t know many cannibal creatures.”  
“We should do some research.”  
“Are you sure you’re ok?” He laughed.  
  
We called the police and we left. The town’s library really sucked, we spent hours there without finding anything interesting. There were no books about supernatural creatures except for some vampires bullshit. But I didn’t lose hope, I was very happy actually. Maybe because the thoughts about the night before made me happy or maybe because, every five minutes, Lee smiled at me. I mean, I would have never gone to a library, but it was a perfect excuse to spend time with him, wasn’t it? At closing time we were the only two people still there, one facing the other, looking for something in the last books we hadn’t read yet. Without a soul in it, the library wasn’t that bad. It was made out of wood later coloured white, I was still able to smell the varnish. The librarian was a old lady in her 80s, she was sat across the room. Her face was full of wrinkles and she was wearing tiny glasses, I couldn’t see the colour of her eyes because she had spent the whole day reading some books without ever lifting her gaze, but her hair was grey and in a bun, but it was clear that it was somewhat short.   
  
“We have no clue about what we are looking for, maybe you should call you dad, Dean.”  
“Why? We don’t need his help” A part of me knew that Lee was right, but I couldn’t admit it. I wanted to make him proud of me, to show him that I was able to go hunting alone and solve a difficult case on my own. I’ve never been that selfish. I wanted to believe I was independent, but I wasn’t, I had never been independent. Surely I was able to find some food, look after my brother or kill a werewolf, but deep down I knew I still needed my father’s guidance. I was only twenty-three, maybe it was normal, but I had to hide it.   
“Fine, Dean, but if we don’t find anything by tomorrow, we call John.” I nodded and we left the library for the motel. The road was dark.  
“Did you have fun last night?” Lee hadn’t talked about the night before , neither had I, I glanced at him for a second and then I looked back at the road. I didn’t know the appropriate answer, so I winged it.  
“I guess, I mean… yes, but this doesn’t mean I’-“  
“Say no more, Dean Winchester.” He giggled, he was calm, it was clear that he had already been in that kind of a situation. I felt the urge to kiss him. He knew that, but he did nothing, what an asshole, he wanted me to do it.   
  
I looked around, trying to see if anybody was there, and only when I was sure we were alone I did it. It didn’t last long, unfortunately. His lips were so soft I would have never stopped kissing them. When the kiss ended, he giggled.   
“Come on, let’s have dinner.”  
  
In four hours we were already in that pub, partying: we challenged a trucker to arm wrestle, we rode the mechanical bull and we had a little fight. I was happy like the night before, like I never had been. Alcohol made me tipsy so, immediately after we left the pub, I started kissing Lee and he reciprocated. We decided not to come back to the motel and to go for a walk instead. He kissed me again and again, we touched, we had fun. He hid behind a tree to empty his bladder. It was the least romantic thing he could have done, the simplest, the most natural. But in that moment I understood what happiness is, what love is. It’s in the little things, it’s in a loyal guy from Texas, a boy that I liked, a boy that made my heart beat. You were in love, Dean Winchester.  
  
But love can be a distraction. It twists you, making you forget the priorities of your life. If I could go back in time, I would have never taken Lee with me on that hunting trip. It had been one of the biggest mistakes of my life. A scream interrupted that moment full of love, a woman, in the woods. Lee and I started running to reach her as soon as possible. But I knew I couldn’t reach her. I had blurred vision and my body was asking for a pause. Uncoordinated. Unsteady. I just wanted to slap my face repeatedly. I was so stupid, how could have I thought that I had the right to feel happy? You stupid Dean Winchester. I was used to drinking on a hunt but not that much, not so much to forget, not so much to be useless. I blamed myself when I saw the woman being captured by the monster. She was the lady Lee and I met near the police station. The cannibal was clearly a human, but he was nimble, fast, more than a normal human being. He was running away with the woman in his hands, and we tried to catch him, of course we didn’t. I just wanted to cry.   
  
A gunshot. Another.  
  
I turned, catching Lee’s eyes, but he didn’t have any gun. I looked around, trying to find who shot the creature. I just needed to scream to blow off steam and guilt. My eyes where full of tears when I heard a voice. A familiar voice.  
  
“Dad?”  
  
I admit I hoped what I was seeing wasn’t real. My dad was just in front me, pissed. I was drunk and I had just made a very big mistake, of course he was pissed. I started trembling. I felt the urge to scream, to cry, to run away with Lee and never come back. But I couldn’t, I had to be strong, more than ever. I had to be strong for Sam, for Lee, for that woman. For dad.   
  
“You are drunk during a hunt, Dean?” He was furious. Dad came closer, so I looked down in submission, as the soldier I was.  
“Do you have the slightest idea of what just happened? A woman has just been kidnapped only because you,” he pointed me, “decided to enjoy life. You should have already understood that, but apparently you haven’t, so let me just remind you that life isn’t enjoyable. Your job isn’t a game for you to play. It’s the reason why Mary died, because we thought we could be happy, no hunter is happy Dean. You are failing me, Dean, more and more every day.”   
  
Some people might not be able to understand how much those words broke me. Knowing I have failed my own father was worse than a thousand insults, I would have rather received enough punches in my face to make me bleed than hear those words again. I had the feeling I was dying. Since I was four my life’s priorities had always been the same: protect Sammy and do what dad wants me to do. And, lately, I was failing to comply with these rules more and more.  
  
“Thank goodness, Lee called me this afternoon asking for help, I don’t know how many people you would have let die otherwise.” I looked at my love and he seemed to be sorry, he shouldn’t had to. He had just been rational, he didn’t let his feelings corrupt his mind. Lee hadn’t been egoistic like me. He had done what was best for both of us and for these poor people.   
  
“Get back to the motel, have some rest, I’ll take care off that monster.”  
I didn’t want to go, but I understood I had to. I wasn’t able to help him, the farther we were, the better it was.  
  
That night I failed my father and a woman was in danger because of my carelessness.  
  
Quietly we came back to the motel. We laid on our own beds, but both of us found it difficult to fall asleep. Lee spoke first.  
“Dean… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have calle-“  
“No, Lee, seriously, you did what was right, I’m a douchebag”  
Lee panted.  
“You’re not, Dean. You just wanted a normal life, that’s not something to blame yourself for.”  
“That woman will suffer, and it’s only our fault.”  
I knew he was feeling guilty too, but he was trying to be strong, for both us. He came into my bed.  
“One day we’ll get away from hunting…” I felt his arms around me and his left cheek on my back. “…we’ll run a pub, no monsters, no demons, just you, I and our dreams. We’ll live in a nice house with a swimming pool and a big TV, we’ll live together if you want. I promise you, Dean Winchester, you’ll have a normal life.”   
I smiled. My heart was full of hope. Those words finally helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel. I fell asleep.  
  
My dad’s call woke me up. I slowly opened my eyes and, panting, I tried to find my phone, leaving Lee’s arms, sadly.   
“Sir?”  
“Hi Dean, I found out what creature we’re looking for, it’s a Rugaru, they are human, but have a genetic mutation, and the transformation will be completed only after they feed themselves on human meat. Then they’ll be hungry forever, they don’t care about anything else. I think I know where we can find him.” So my dad told me where we should have met that morning. He told me that the Rugaru kidnapped that woman’s entire family.   
  
I woke Lee up with a slow kiss. His lips were so warm. Lee slowly opened his eyes and he smiled at me. “Hurry up, my dad found the monster.” I explained him what a Rugaru was and in a couple of minutes we were already in Baby, ready to kick the monster’s ass.   
  
While I was driving, Lee took my hand and smiled at me.  
“Dean?”  
“Yeah?” I sighed, looking at the road to avoid any accidents.  
“I care about you.”  
I smiled. It was one of the first time someone told me something like that. Dad never did that and it had been a while since the last time I’d spoken with Sam. My heart was getting warmer and warmer but then I remembered: I couldn’t let Lee in, not in that moment, it could have been dangerous for the hunt.  
  
I just kept smiling. “Me too, Lee.” I sped up.  
  
The Rugaru lived in an abandoned house near the town. It was nice but clearly untidy and desolated: plants were withered and walls discoloured with some bricks missing. There was no hint of windows or doors.   
“We have to go now, the sun isn’t up yet, Rugarus hunt at night-time, so he shouldn’t be here.” My father gave us guns and a couple of molotovs.   
“Dean, you have your lighter?” He looked at me, waiting for a response. I nodded, I always used to bring my lighter with me, it could have been useful at any time.   
“Perfect, the only way to kill him is to set him on fire. Firstly we set free the captives and then we’ll come back to kill that son of a bitch, everything clear?”  
“Yes, sir.”  
“Yes.”  
  
Dad smiled and we broke the door down. Silence. Windows were barred so the only source of light was the slight light of the sunrise coming from the broken door. The rooms were messy, every mirror was broken as if the monster didn’t like to see himself in the mirror. A tremendous stink of dead reached my nose. My father went scouring the upper floor while Lee and I remained on the ground floor.  
  
We didn’t find anything strange until I noticed a wardrobe in front of a door as a bad attempt to hide it. I called dad and Lee and we managed to open that door: there was a stairway in front of us. We went down, reaching the basement. The stink was getting more and more unpleasant, we found the source of it only when dad found a light-switch. Loads of dead bodies were on the floor, but the real monstrosity was hanging in front of us: mother, father and children were hung up to the ceiling by chains. All of them were deformed, with some body parts missing. Their ripped hair was on the floor below them.   
  
The little kid had a lot of wounds and scratches on her legs, the boy was missing some fingers of his left hand, the woman was injured, a lot of blood had already dried on her skinless torso, the man’s foot was on the floor without any skin or muscle. But the most horrible thing was that they were still breathing.   
  
The guilt was killing me, but Lee was clearly more devastated. He was pale, trying hard not to throw up, and he was trembling. His eyes were fixed on the bodies. Terrified and shocked, he didn’t say a word. The reason why the Rugaru tortured those people was our distraction, our love.   
  
Usually Lee and I were incredibly good at hunting, but that time our feelings had destroyed everything. We shouldn’t have fallen in love with each other, it was wrong, the consequences of it were in front of us, making the foolishness of our actions clearer than ever.  
  
Dad helped the family to get on their feet, or at least he tried, because in that moment we all heard a noise coming from upstairs. The Rugaru was back and he knew he wasn’t alone. I hid the kids in a closet, telling them that there was nothing to be afraid of, I would save them soon, while my dad was trying to hide the parents. Lee was still frozen in fear. The monster broke the door down.  
  
The Rugaru was there. He was very ugly: he had a human form but his skin was black, full of wounds and pus and also he didn’t have any fingernails, like they’d all fallen out and his eyes were blood red.   
  
We fought him for at least ten minutes. He attacked my father, then me and then Lee, who wasn’t able to defend himself as he was in a huge state of shock. So I defended him, pushing the monster to the other side of the room. My dad shouted: “DEAN, NOW.”  
  
I took my lighter and lit up the cloth of the Molotov.  
  
“See you in hell, motherfucker.” The Rugaru was already on fire.  
  
Lee didn’t say anything when we left the house. The police and an ambulance were there in order to help the family and ask my father some questions. Lee was near the Impala and I sat next to him.   
  
“What he did to that family… it’s our fault, Dean.” His voice was faint. He lost trust in himself, in ourselves, I could tell that from the expression in his eyes.  
  
“It’s our fault, it’s our fault.”  
“I know.”  
“We fucked up, we fucked everything up, there’s no hope for us, we aren’t on the right side anymore, we aren’t heroes.”  
  
I wanted to say that we never had been, or at least I hadn’t, but I knew that wasn’t the right thing to say, so I just hugged him. In that moment it was clear the we both loved each other, but in the world we lived in, there was no place for that kind of relationship, because it was wrong, for us it was wrong, everything was wrong. My love for Lee was born in the wrong moment, but there aren’t right moments when you are a hunter, I should have known that.   
  
When we broke the hug, my father was already there. He looked at us. He knew. The way my father looked at us the previous night was the strict glance of an adult man who knows when two people are in love.   
  
How could he know that? I’d never asked and he had never talked about this. Only once, a year later, we were watching some television: a film about two warriors who fell in love with each other had, aired and I immediately thought about Lee. My father said: “They are brave.”  
In that moment I understood that my father didn’t have any problem with queers, I had. My shame pushed away Lee and my feelings for men. I was scared of myself.   
  
“Time to go,” my father said. Lee didn’t want us to drive him back home, he said he was going to Texas by bus, and we let him go. Since then I didn’t hear anything from him. I thought he was dead and with him, even that part of me was buried.  
  
I saw him again in twenty-nineteen. Lee made our dream come true: he left the hunting life and he ran a pub in Texas. Meeting him made my feelings for him come back. It was like nothing had changed at all, like we never fought that Rugaru. Just Lee and I chilling together, talking about the time we were in love.   
I still loved him, but it was different than the first time. It was more like an awareness of myself, I was bi, no doubt about it, it took me forty years to understand it and now it was in front of my eyes. How stupid I had been to let Cas go without telling him the truth: he was the only thing important for me, I loved him like I used to love Lee.   
  
Then I discovered Lee’s secret and I felt like a fool. I was in his basement while a marid, Lee’s marid, was feeding itself on my blood.  
  
“Dean Winchester, the righter of the wrongs.”  
  
I wanted to remind him he was too, he had always been on the side of justice, but that time in Arizona, that family, changed him, made him a person he hadn’t been. My broken heart was aching because of that: he wasn’t the Lee I’d known, the Lee I was friends with, the Lee I’d loved, I couldn’t recognise him anymore.   
  
But I wasn’t that different: I had been a demon, I let Michael get inside me, I tortured those souls in hell. I wasn’t a righter too, I was far from being a righter. But I never forgot my values, he did.   
  
So I had to kill him and he let me. He knew it was the price to pay, before he died, I saw the Lee I loved one last time. So he drew his last breath in the arms of his first love.  



End file.
